It was fun, the couple of hours of strength, but now they are over and my hands are stained with blood and I wish so much it was mine, that I would be drained completely from it and that I was no more...

Fuck all of you. Fuck all the voices in my head. Fuck doubt and shame. Fuck it all…

I’m out of breath screaming for an answer, screaming for help, begging for attention and a love that I am forbidden to receive, love from anyone and anything. The faces in this crowd become more and more distant, I’m surrounded by strangers, they choke me, they beat me, but they don’t fucking kill me…

You fucking bastards, I hope you’re having a blast, I hope it’s fucking orgasmic to shatter this twisted self. I hope you get off on watching how my insides become pulp and I puke my god dam soul out. I hope it pleases you! Because I can’t find any other reason, in fact if I did find one, it wouldn’t be important, because the only reason you would hurt someone like that should be for pleasure…

Contrary to popular believe I was never the masoquist, but for a while I was a victim and I made myself believe that it was the role I was supposed to play… Now I know I was wrong, I’m just a plain fuck head… An idiot, one trained to believe bullshit of lies and made up shit from people that dress themselves up like friends and saviors.

I fucking hate every single one of you, but I mostly hate myself, for trying, for waiting, for believing, for wanting…

It’s over and done with, I’m turning this page staining the tips and running the ink with my tears, whoever I was, whoever I was gonna be doesn’t matter to me anymore. I’m alone, broken, beat up and unsatisfied and I bet you all are proud, enjoy the feast fuckers, eat up my hollow heart and drink my god dam tears, I don’t give a fuck… There’s nothing… nothing you can possibly do to make me hurt more than it hurts right now…

Mood: Fucked up...
Music: My sobs...